The new year/new me thing pisses me off. I like me. I don't want a new one. However, even with my fairly healthy ego, I can admit there is always room for improvement.
I'm coming off a year with lots of changes. Most of the big ones came right in the last six weeks of the year. This left me oddly meh for the holidays and I haven't quite shaken it off. It's as though it was all too much to take in at once so I'm having some issues processing. This is making me shut down just a bit. It's not depression or anxiety, it's more like standing on the sidelines for a bit. A lot of the problem I think is simply, "ok you've achieved nearly every goal you had for last year. Great job! Now what?'
Now what, indeed.
So time for new goals. I decided to view this year as a building year. Not so much a year to take over the world, more along the lines of figuring out what skills and tools I need to take it over. Also to figure out if I want to take it over. I need to find out what I want my goals to be as much as what I'll need to achieve them.
So we start with my new "getting to know myself" regimen. I read this post around New Year's and decided to answer a question a day for the first month of the year (Rebelle Society is one of my favorite sites by the way, check them out). I've been doing it in fits and starts. I'm not sure I'll learn anything from it but once I'm done I think it will be interesting to read as a whole and it may well at least point me in a direction.
I'm also working on a personal growth thing. I liked the idea of The 52 Weeks when the authors spoke at my store. The idea of trying something new every week speaks to me because it's been pointed out to me recently how much fear I've developed over the years, when I used to be fearless. I always argue that having kids taught me fear, and that's true, but I've noticed since being on my own these last couple months I'm not quite as fearful as I was. I wonder how much the anxiety and uncertainty of the last 18 months made me think I was more afraid of life than I am. I'm feeling pretty brave lately and up for new challenges. I also worry a little less about how that will affect my youngest. If I'm happier and more fulfilled I'll be a better mom, so even a drastic life change, won't necessarily damage him permanently. He's certainly handling the divorce fairly well, and it doesn't get more drastic than that for a child. Although his father and I have worked very hard to make him feel safe, stable and loved so I'm sure that's helped.
I haven't come up with a list of 52 things yet but I've thought of a few and I'm starting to write them down. Learning new things is a big one. For that I've started the free lessons online at Code Academy to see if I can teach myself some coding languages. I'm also brushing up on my Excel because I need to utilize it better than I do. It's so damn handy sometimes.
All of this led to me actually applying for school. I've got a huge inferiority streak about the fact that I dropped out of high school. I did get an Associate's degree in Early Childhood Education when I first started working at NYU but then life intervened and I never went back. Might as well do it now. We'll see how that goes.
There are little, more common goals for the new year of course, write more, knit more. My creative side has been neglected greatly of late. Debt killing, savings building. I did some of this when the house finally sold but I need to keep the momentum going for both. Along the same lines, remembering how to live on my paycheck. I used to be really good at that, but I lost that talent somewhere along the way. I need to make sure I remember. Getting paid once a month is difficult enough, if you're not paying attention to where it goes it makes it even harder, although it makes bill paying a breeze. Exercise more. I'm not worrying about eating better yet though. I haven't even adjusted to the fact that there are two nights a week and alternating weekends when I have no one else to cook for. Chai cookies make an awesome dinner by the way ;)
It's a full plate but really nothing too ambitious. In the end it's all about learning new things and recovering old skills. Like I said, a building year.